By Taryn Tibble
I recently read an article on Women24 about South African women and sex, and a shocking percentage felt that they owed their husbands sex, and that their husbands exercising their “right” as husbands in the bedroom didn’t constitute as rape. What concerned me the most about the article was what it didn’t say: who those women are? This made me realise how little as women we communicate about sex.
I’d like to try something: “clitoris”.
Now honestly, how many of you jumped, or gasped or felt dirty because you thought the word clitoris? I’d wager a fair few.
Now I consider myself to be fairly stuck in the middle between prudent and down-right dirty, and that word doesn’t shock me. I’ve recently found myself reading a few websites dedicated to erotica, and was pleasantly surprised when I noticed that a decent amount (neither a majority, nor an equal amount) of writers were women. One that came to my attention (and that of Dorothy Black, sex columnist for Women24) is Cuntychopalops (http://cuntychoppalops.wordpress.com/) who openly shares her fantasies, and says things many women are too scared to say.
Without putting too blunt a point on things, we have vaginas. Chances are your partner (male or female) is not always going to be great at making sure it’s kept happy. Men are more than happy to masturbate during every hour of the day if they could, why shouldn’t we feel that? Have we as women been so down-trodden, and so objectified that we feel that we are merely the vessel for our men to enjoy sex, and not worthy of our own sexual pleasure? How many of us have the balls (figuratively speaking) to actually discuss masturbation, or our sex lives in depth with our friends?
We live in an age where information is at our fingertips. A BlackBerry, a laptop, an iPhone or even a simple Nokia can get you onto any website you choose, you can Google or Wikipedia anything, and if that’s the case, why are our women still so sexually repressed? Is it a case that the poor are not being empowered enough through economic empowerment and therefore the repression continues into their own inner-beings? It might take time for the less fortunate in our country to find themselves openly talking about sex, and I think once they do, it will solve a lot of problems in our country, but until then, what excuse does the enlightened middle-class and upper-class have for themselves? It’s not only poor people who are raped, pregnant at 16 or just generally living unhappy sex-lives. How long will it take for us?
In an ideal world, every woman would own a vibrator, and every woman would know how to use it. If they didn’t own a vibrator, then at the very least, they’d know what they liked. Having spoken to many a male friend, who wish their women would take a bit more charge in the bedroom. They don’t entirely want their women to turn into dominatrices, but perhaps a little more than just some (often faked) moaning would be nice?
Yes the internet has vastly empowered us, but to what point? Our online personas may speak frankly behind our curtain of anonymity, but is it enough? Are we able to allow that freedom of speech to filter through to our real-world personas?
Are we in fact, any more liberated today than we were a few decades ago?