Feminist Spaces: Sexualities

By Taryn Tibble

Does finding women attractive make you lesbian, or even bi or even bi-curious?

I am a woman. I am a woman who likes men, but I also find women to not only be attractive but a turn-on. To put it bluntly, I would sooner look at a naked vagina than a penis.  My reasoning for this is simply down to aesthetics. If someone can explain to me why a penis is an attractive organ, I’ll listen but I’d be surprised if you were able to convince me otherwise.

Back to the question: does finding women attractive make you anything less than heterosexual? I don’t mean a simple “wow, Kim Kardashian is pretty” sort of statement; I mean hot under the collar, tingly genitals, flushed cheeks sort of things.  That’s what happens to me. I can read erotica, or perhaps look at photographs of naked women and genuinely find the description or images of the naked female body incredibly appealing; and being myself that usually leads to the question “what does this all mean?”

Well I’ve sat back and thought about it – does it really have to mean anything? Are we even designed to be totally and utterly attracted to the opposite sex? One can argue that we’re in fact designed to notice our own gender before we notice the opposite sex – a form of checking out the competition if you will. I even question whether we are designed to be totally heterosexual. Don’t misunderstand me, I believe in a monogamous relationship – 5 years of total monogamy has served me well, and while I am not the person to run around testing the strength of those values, or even questioning them, I do question our chemical makeup.  I like to believe that the human race was designed as a “one partner man/woman” but looking at the facts I struggle to believe that. In the beginning we weren’t meant to live past the age of 30 to 40 years, and while it wasn’t unheard of for people to grow older than that, it was rare, and the duty of the day was to spread one’s seed and procreate to extend both your own family and the human race. That leads me to believe we weren’t built for all this marriage and coupling stuff.

That also makes me question whether we were built for heterosexuality – perhaps bisexuality is in our nature just as much as the desire to wander is? Homosexuality is as old as the Bible: God didn’t turn Sodom and Gomorrah to salt for smoking to much hash. Reports of gay and lesbian behaviour is as old as time itself, as Again, don’t misunderstand me – I’m not defending polygamy or cheating and so on, we have evolved to the point where I believe we’re mature and sophisticated enough to be able to distinguish ourselves from our forefathers in that respect but one can’t deny our history.

Perhaps I’m wrong – after all, I’m contradicting myself in my previous paragraph, saying that we were designed to procreate, prolong the human race and so on, but at the same time I ask “with a population of 6 billion and growing, have we not served our purpose quite well?” and if I am correct in asking that, maybe we need to move on to other things? Maybe, just maybe, that particular purpose in life has changed. That all being said, back to my point: does finding a woman (or a man if you’re male and reading this) attractive and even a turn on make you less straight?

I do believe that it is easier for us as women to find the female form attractive, whereas for men to admit to finding the male form attractive is much harder. For the most part, lesbianism has been an easier pill for society to swallow than gay men. Perhaps this is why we have no qualms when it comes to the appreciation of the fairer sex. After all, do we see drunken men kissing each other to get free drinks? No. We do see many women doing that. That doesn’t always make them lesbian, just drunk.

I don’t deny I don’t know how to answer the question; it’s one I ask myself quite regularly. How does one decide you’re homosexual? In my case, I’ve had a very fulfilling relationship with a man for 5 years, happy sex life, and all those things that would point to being happily straight. At the same time, I don’t wake up all hot under the collar and damp in the nether regions from dreaming about him – or any other man, usually those dreams involve women. That may of course be my subconscious trying to work out the answer for me.

Do I find women generally more appealing than men? Yes. Do I think that I might kill a woman if I had to be in a full-on relationship with her? Yes. Do I think that sex with a woman might be mind-melting? Yes.  Do I think I could actually be in a happy, fulfilling relationship with a woman? No. I don’t see myself doing that. I firmly believe that there is a ying and a yang – a testosterone balance to my oestrogen (a man should have testosterone in spades to balance out the bitch in me).

I have a task for all reading this: if you have home internet, go find yourself some porn. It can be images, erotic prose, movies, whichever you choose, but heterosexual and homosexual (dependant on your gender) and give it a try (if you’re a seasoned sexual then skip that step) and comment with the effect it had on you – if you got lesbian/gay porn, how did it affect you? You don’t have to comment with your real name if you’re not comfortable, but it would be interesting to have a look at the broader spectrum of responses.


4 thoughts on “Feminist Spaces: Sexualities”

  1. Speaking as gay man and having questioned many other gay men: we just know we are different from the age of 13 on average. Due to our patriarchal culture it is easier for women to indulge in ambiguity and non-conformity. Gay and/or transgender men are still seen as the Pope so eloquently put it: “a greater danger to the world than the destruction of the rainforests”


  2. I am straight man and have watched straight porn for years. I realised recently that I am turned on as much by the women as by seeing erect penises, and especially seeing men ejaculate.

    I watched gay porn to see if it excited me, and beyond satisfying my curiosity about how men have sex, found I was not aroused at all.

    How do you explain that?!

    Aesthetically, I actually find the male figure as attractive as the female. I like athletic bodies, and prefer like the lines of a finely muscled male (or female) figure.


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