SEX AND SEXUALITY

Women – don’t be idiots

By Taryn Tibble

I have this theory, and I’m sure that I can hardly be the first person to think this but here it is: “we, as women, can be idiots”. Now, I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking that how on earth can this be a feminist website, and the first thing to come out of this girl’s mouth is that we can be idiots? How is this even allowed? Well, it’s allowed because I have a point: we, as a gender, can be idiots.

Now that I’ve insulted you enough, I can make that excellent point I was going to make. To give you a little background, I have been single for about a year, after a 5 year relationship falling apart around my ears. Looking back it was all my fault; it was all down to me that he left me. I was even led to believe (by him) that this was my fault. What did I do? I believed him! I allowed the asshat to manipulate me into believing that it wasn’t actually the fact that he is a cheat that lead him to leave me. He didn’t leave me because he was having way too much fun shagging anything with legs and that if I lived in the same city as he that I would surely notice. No no no, it was MY fault! Why do we listen to this nonsense? Of course, looking back, I can now see how it wasn’t my fault, and I can sit and analyze every little lie he told me and dissect it to discover all of his manipulations and indiscretions. That, ladies and, well ladies, is my point: when we allow ourselves to be lied to and manipulated by men (and then somehow we still end up being the bad guys)we are behaving like idiots.

Another reason that we can be idiots is because we will allow ourselves to be treated like dirt, and we will come crawling back thinking that we can make it better. How many of you have thought to yourselves “Johnny isn’t affectionate enough, it must be because I [insert your usual internal dialogue here]”. Do you ever think “Hey, Johnny is an asshat because he treats me like dirt, and out there somewhere is an amazing guy who is going to move mountains for me, so maybe I should LEAVE asshat Johnny, because let’s face it, I’m better off alone than with an asshat who treats me like dirt”. No. You probably don’t. I don’t. You find ways to “fix” yourself, because the problem can only be with you because he says so. I have a friend, who has been with a guy for about a year, and he treats her like rubbish, and she still goes back? Seriously? I mean, seriously? Now she has this amazing friend (of the male persuasion) who is clearly madly into her (I believe he referred to her as “one of those amazing Axe deodorant advert women” who has fallen into his life) and she’s slowly starting to realise that current boyfriend is an idiot.

Why do we do this? I’ve said this in a few of my previous pieces, but I’m going to say it again: we are women of the 21st century! You cannot tell me that we are not more enlightened and intelligent than we were even 30 years ago? I, for one, am going to take a stand against these male Jedi mind tricks, I am NOT going to allow a man to treat me like dirt and then somehow have me begging to fold his boxers and wash his whites. He doesn’t text? Well, neither do I! NEXT! I am perfectly to go through 100 guys until I find one who will move mountains for me.  It may seem harsh, but after 5 years with a guy who treated me like dirt, cheated on me, used me and generally mentally abused me, I’m really happy to report that as far as I’m concerned, I’ve reached my quota for assholes, and I don’t think I’ll be giving them too much time to upset my life.

I encourage every other woman reading this to do the same. If he treats you like garbage, maybe it’s time to dump him!

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4 thoughts on “Women – don’t be idiots”

  1. Great post! “Male Jedi mind tricks!” That’s a keeper lol. All joking aside, I see the same thing and have had (hangs my head in shame) been down that road myself. No, I don;t understand it. Yes, it has something to do with low self-esteem, the ridiculous need to nurture, the entrenched belief that a woman needs a man even is she is financially independent.

    The scary question is how much have things really changed from 30 years ago? I can say without any qualms that 90% of my friends are in unhappy relationships where the man is clearly the culprit but still they stay. The phenomenon applies across race, education and age. It’s a damn shame.

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  2. You’re stuck in a discourse that’s stupid, and you’re perpetuating the discourse by not questioning its structuring. Nobody except a needy, affection-starved moron is going to “move mountains for you”, because the rest of us rely on you having enough brainpower and initiative to outsource the job to a bulldozer. And the needy, affection-starved moron isn’t going to stay a moron forever: as soon as he realises that he could be with you (and your neuroses) or with someone who will treat him as more than an emotional handkerchief, he’ll be out of the dysfunctional relationship that you’re proposing.

    Your definition of love seems to be based on the other person continually proving his emotional state by jumping through whichever hoops you’d care to throw up. It gets tiresome and boring to be in a “relationship” like that; I’m not surprised that it ended badly. On the other hand, find-a-guy-who-jumps-through-hoops is the dominant paradigm: just ask the past 30 years of Hollywood romantic nonsense, culminating in the farce that is the ever-popular Twilight series. You want to fix things? Question the dominant structure of relationships. It doesn’t work in anyone’s favour, and it rewards idiotic behaviour from both sides (Valentine’s Day, anyone? Diamonds-are-forever rings? Trading sex for emotional depth? Fun examples abound!).

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