CULTURE, SEX AND SEXUALITY

What’s the hurry?

By Taryn Tibble

I’m a girl – I think that goes without saying. I am an impatient girl. I’m 24 and feel like my life has gone nowhere (I’m single, I do reasonably well financially, live in a nice clean environment, and career-wise things are going quite well).

Then I ask, with tears in my eyes, why am I in such a hurry? Just on a side-note, this isn’t a piece that’s supposed to lecture, or enlighten, or prove a point – every once in a while, we all need to ramble a little bit.

My friends spend their days telling me to chill (often there is more explicit language involved), that I’m “only 24” and things will happen when they’re supposed to happen. It recently hit me the hardest when 5 (yes, 5) of my friends got engaged over Christmas. Now, for a Bridget Jonesesque singleton such as me, that is like a knife to the throat.  As some of you who have read my previous pieces know, I was on that happy journey, I had been dating someone for 5 years, and I genuinely thought that it was heading down that road – wedding bells, kids, white picket fences, etc. It didn’t, and won’t and that’s not the end of the world. Come Christmas, and all the happy proposals, engagement announcements, and even worse (!) pregnancies and quite frankly, I wanted to throw my iPhone against the wall and pray that the season would end.

Why though? Why am I in such a hurry? Is it just my personality? Is it the way society has raised me? Is it something my parents instilled in me at a young age? What is it?

The real eye-opening moment for me was about 3 days ago, when a man I am very attracted to had a good go at me about my attitude. I admit that when I don’t know where I stand I freak out, but he made a point “we only met a week ago, we haven’t been dating for months”. While that hurt, and made me fear the worse for our friendship and anything that could come of it, it did make me think. It made me think about the mistakes I’d made in past relationships, in past activities where I had been too hasty and it made me think about why I am the way I am.

I’ve been known to blame the fact that I’m a Virgo, and that we over-analyse, and over-think everything to a point where panic ensues. That of course requires one to truly believe that your birthday has control over who you are and that because you’re a certain star sign, anyone you know born within that sign will also therefore share those traits and you can kiss your uniqueness goodbye.

I’ve also been known to blame my mother, but heaven knows that at 24 I should have been able to shake any of the shackles of my mother’s personality, and develop my own. My mother has always been one of those “hurry up quickly” type of people – everything done yesterday, no time to dawdle, you just hurry up and get it done! I’ve always thought of myself as that type of person.

I think I’ve even been known to blame society, and of course, the media! Lately, a bit less, with a Kardashian now a unit of time, not a surname, but when I was a little girl, I did have the idea of a white picket fence, but pretty quickly gave that up as I got older, and grew more cynical. So cynical to the point that earlier in 2012, I swore to never fall in love again, or to get married (the marriage thing I still stand by! I just don’t believe in it, but that’s another story for another day).

Sure, my past relationships have also left a rather nasty amount of baggage for me to carry around, and that hurt too, That is just something I will have to slowly deal with – but while it all hurts, and is all quite hard to wrap my head around, I’ve realised, that as a person, something has to change. I have to learn to be in less of a hurry. There is time. We are no longer in the 50s when you had to be married and a mommy by 22. My mom had me, in 1987, at age 36, and that was fine – we can do that today. I don’t have to subscribe to the white picket-fence logic, or have to be married before I’m 30 – it’s no longer an issue to be single in the city anymore, it’s no longer frowned upon, at least not to the extent that it was 20 years ago. I need to calm down … I need to remember, there is still time.

Yet, that being said … I’m still in a hurry.

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